caity_conceited

This isn't about one specific person at all. I don't want anymore bullshit to start than there already is in my life. I hate it when you want to say something to someone but you KNOW that there is some way that they will turn it around and make you the bad guy. You don't want to start an argument necessarily, you just want to throw something out there that has been bothering you. I don't feel like I can do that with any of my friends. I feel like if will be turned into something way bigger than it actually s and start a huge argument that is uncalled for.



HHHhHhHHhHHHHHhhhHHhhhhhhhhhHhhHHH

I'm just in a bad place I guess.

I've never been one for politics, but recently I've been watching the news. I've always leaned toward the democratic party, it's how I was raised. Personally I think most of the stuff in the U.S. is bullshit anyways. If you can go to war, you should be able to drink. If you can buy a gun, you should be able to drink. Shit like that. I'm not just saying that because I want to be able to drink, that would be stupid. I don't support the war. Not one bit. But I stand by the troops.

Hillary said this earlier, "The thing is though, which is really sad, if Obama get's elected, I think he's gonna get assassinated." Which may or may not be true. Obviously I hope it doesn't happen. If I were 18 by the time elections come around, I would vote for him in a heartbeat. I'm so close! Oh well. Anyways, I know it will never happen, but it's wishful thinking. I wish there was no racism, no religions, no wars, no poverty. Someone always has to be at the bottom, someone always has to be at the top, it's how it's always been throughout time starting with basic organisms.

I'm basically just ranting now, and I can never say anything how I want it to sound. I took a shot though, whether it came out coherently or not. My thoughts and opinions are too confusing for me to get out of my head.

So today is basically the shittiest day I've had in a long time. I've let down my parents, my mom basically told me I probably wasn't going to college, she didn't say why but she probably meant I either didn't have the discipline for it or that I wouldn't be able to pay for it. I'm saving up for a car, after I fix my parents. I might become a supervisor at Macro eventually.

I just need something stable. I haven't been genuinely happy since last summer. I'm terrified of starting school. I want to do well but I don't know how. It's going to be completely different than last year, we're going to barely have any help. I'm being forced to be independent and it's hard. I'm almost 18. I need this, I know I do. I plan on moving out at some point in the near future, whether it be next summer or while I'm still in school. As long as I have a car and a cell phone and a roof over my head I'll be alright.

When I do go to college, I think I want to go to Johnson. It's close to home, it's laid back, my cousin will be there and Sam and Jeremy and Dan and Caitlyn. I WILL go to college. I want a history related masters so I can teach high school kids. History is a passion of mine and it always has been. I want to prove my parents wrong. Neither of them went to college. My dad could have had free tuition but he fucked it up. I will pay my way through college no matter what. I NEED to prove them wrong.

Oh P.S. that last one wasn't about anyone, anyone on here knows.

You really need to grow the fuck up. Stop thinking so highly of yourself because you aren't that great. You need to get your head out of your ass and take a breath of fresh air. You're a bitch. I really don't know why you're so well liked because you're two faced, you're mean, you're selfish, and you basically have the mindset of a two year old.

Whatever though, I guess it doesn't matter that much.


Show tomorrow night.
Then Monday night too :D

You are a stupid fuck. Fuckfuckfuck I'm so annoyed right now. SO FUCKING ANNOYED.



UGH.


Everything fucking sucks right now.

At least you aren't in deniallllllllllllll.



This week has been awesome. IIIIII don't remember the other night. But whateva whateva.

Why are you the fakest person in the world?
I mean really.
I know no one as fake as you.
You make me want to stab you in the eye.

Therapy legitimately helps my anger.
I'm glad I'm in it.



Today was a bad day.
My grandmother is really sick.
She may die in two months.
I don't know what my mother would do.

He cheered me up last night.
He's the only one that could.
He's a million miles away.

He gives me butterflies.
I don't care how old he is, how long I've known him, that I've never actually met him,
He makes me laugh when no one else can.


I learned that my Grandma has leukemia and my great uncle has prostate cancer.
And Terry's treatment didn't work.
He has to have a bone marrow transplant.
I'm terrified.
I'm restless.
I'm insanely upset and out of place.

Wow, someone's full of themselves.
Take you're trivial teenage angst somewhere else.

I am really close to my breaking point. I feel like I'm going to cry.

I need someone.
I need someone to stay with me.
I don't know what to do.
I really have no idea what to do with myself.

You have absolutely NO right to speak so coldly of him. Just because you were married into the fucking family god knows how long ago doesn't mean you know anything about us. You talk about it so carelessly, like it doesn't matter, and to my fucking dad.

Well guess what.
It matters.
It matters a whole fucking lot.

I just wish it would go away. Shit like this isn't supposed to ever happen to you. You just hear about it and think, wow that sucks so bad it could never happen to me. But guess the fuck what. It happened and I'm basically torn the fuck apart inside.

This isn't supposed to happen to me. This happens in shitty Lifetime movies. It isn't supposed to happen to me. I cried all the way home.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I hate it when people try to involve themselves in things that are none of their business. I can understand people being like, "Oh what happened with so and so." Because like, everyone does that, I do that, I won't even pretend to deny that. It's just when people are like,

"i hate you

plain and simple

i think what you did to your friends was bullshit and they are way better than you'll ever be. you're low and you're sad and it's a shame you want to make people feel like you."


That's what pisses me off.

"Who was that, you're boyfriend?"

"I don't have a boyfriend."

"...yet"


UH WHAT WHAT WHAT.

Oh lawd my life is confusing.

Last night was sooooo much fun. I met up with Morgan and we went to the show and there were so many people there. I'm really glad I decided to go. I think the best part though was that we went to Denny's. It was so much fun. I guess I have like a love/hate relationship with Chris and Carisa because last night we got along really well but I dunno. Carisa and I played with the automatic foam soap dispensers. Hahahaha.

All in all last night was fun.


"WELL YOU KNOW WHAT KYLE?! WHO'S PARKED IN THE GARAGE AND WHO'S ON THE STREET?!"

"WELL.... SHUT UP CAITLIN I HATE YOU."

"HAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAA"

"THERE WILL BE NO FUN IN THE WORK PLACE -_-"

I love my life right now.

Clarification: I DID care, I DON'T anymore.

My life is so much more stress free than it was before.


Today at work was awesome. Kyle kept sending me messages to my computer.
"SUPERVISOR: Dude, she's on drugs."
*Looks over at Kyle*
"Who?"
"SUPERVISOR: The girl in front of you."
"HAHAHA"
"SUPERVISOR: She's twitcher than a crack addict..."
"THAT'S WHAT I SAID!"


I'm buying him a party hat =]

Allanna and I might go to Less Than Jake in New York. It would be so much fun. I like Less Than Jake and I love Allanna.

I'm getting my tattoo soon. Maybe next weekend? I don't quite know yet. I'm going to get my first tree. When I turn 18 I'll probably get my second. Then behind my ears done. I can't wait to be 18. I'm scared, but at the same time, really pumped. My cousin is going to take me to Canada =] I love her.


Everything is really good right now. Like, really good.

I am such an angry person. The smallest things make me livid. Even if I'm just looking at a picture of someone that I'm mad at, I get fucking furious. I get hot, I shake, I get snippy. I punch shit too often. I really can't control it. Fuuuuuck everything.